ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
