this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
