I just made out with a guy for $7.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
