I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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