I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
