He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
3pm strippers are depressing
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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