Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
