please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
