Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
