I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
