I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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