he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
two words...techno handjob
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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