Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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