dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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