I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
