I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
