THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
