Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
