Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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