He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
