I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
