Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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