So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
