Cold hands, warm shart.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
