All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
