omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
