There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
