moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
