You can't motorboat a personality
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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