Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
