How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
