I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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