Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
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I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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