No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
