sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
