He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
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I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
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Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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