im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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