i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
