just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
