I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
even my farts smell like vagina
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
