He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
