This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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