I just pynch a tree in the face
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
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You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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