I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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