the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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