clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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