The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
there was a trapeze. enough said
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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