You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
