How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
