You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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