My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
