absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
