it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
