just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
