I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
