We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
