im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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