Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
