All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
