hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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