It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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