The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
