Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
