and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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