woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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