If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
