I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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