I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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