some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
