You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
