meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
