i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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