You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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