i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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