I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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