I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
