omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
