How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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