the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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