We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
